The Kanindian Joint

Shaun: Hey, William! Sunny day?

Will: Yeah, it is. No snow yet.

Shaun: Same here. haha

Will: Haha Yeah. I got that.

Shaun: What’s up? I had a loooong day.

Will: My day is just beginning. I’m going to this place called University. Not sure if they have those in India.

Shaun: Nope. We don’t. Never heard of it. Sounds like Hogwarts.

Will: Yeah, it is, but you wouldn’t like it. You don’t get to play with the boys’ magic wands.

Shaun: Haha. Oh. You are into wands now, eh? Fancy. So…have you thought about the blog yet, or have you been a lazy ass?

Will: Well, I’m always a lazy ass. But thinking is easy. So, yes, I have thought about the blog. The question is…have you?

Shaun: Yeah. I have been thinking…for a while now…what is for lunch.

Will: Dude, it’s 9:00 pm in India. Lunch passed a long time ago. I think your brain tumour is growing.

Shaun: Ahaha. You have a tumour. In your balls, cyclist.

Will: Hey. Just because I had you check it out doesn’t mean you can tell the world.

Shaun: The world can smell it already.

Will: Okay, really. You know how much I love to talk about my balls, but shouldn’t we try to focus? Are we still doing that blog…like today?

Shaun: Like today? Hahaha. No.

Will: Like my today. Your tomorrow. Chill out.

Shaun: Okay. So. Gillian Anderson blog. Should it be a fan page, or do you just want to post your porn collection?

Will: Hey! Gillian Anderson is too classy for porn. Though I wish she’d take her clothes off just once.

Shaun: She did take her clothes off. First ep. of X-Files.

Will: Don’t talk about X-Files like you know it better than me, eh!

Shaun: Wait. Stop. It doesn’t make sense. No porn or Gillian? What’s left? Food?

Will: Nah. I thought I saw Pig eating it all when we Skyped.

Shaun: No, you idiot! I mean, what should the blog be about?

Will: Ah. You and me. A couple in love. Estranged since birth.

Shaun: Yeah, no. Unless you mean brotherly love. Only.

Will: Dude. Focus. I don’t mean Fuck Off Cuz Ur Stupid. I mean really focus.

Shaun: Right. Moving on. Oh! We could do cartoon sketches.

Will: Like Hentai?

Shaun: HAHAHA! Yes, William. Like Hentai. I like how you make sense. Like a stream of clear understanding.

Will: Like a stream of pee?

Shaun: Yeah. The golden stream of knowledge, wealth and desire.

Will: Cool. We should call our blog that. The Daily Pee.

Shaun: Haha. I think you should call it that. And write it alone. Forever.

Will: I’m used to alone…good at alone.

Shaun: Awe. Sad story, man. Well…we should call it something elaborate.

Will: You’re right. Something that means something to both of us.

Shaun: Like: The Biggest Bronze Battalion of Baby Jesus.

Will: Bud. That’s too many B’s.

Shaun: I thought you liked B’s.

Will: No, that’s you. You like the B. And we are not writing a blog about Beyoncé.

Shaun: Why not? You are mean. Mean b. And ‘b’ stand for bitch. NOT brother.

Will: Good. I do bitch very well. The Daily Bitch?

Shaun: Uh…no.

Will: Let’s blog about things we like to do? What do you like?

Shaun: Let’s see. Um… Coffee. TV. Writing.

Will: No. Got anything else?

Shaun: Gardening?

Will: No.

Shaun: Gillian Anderson. That’s who I’d like to do.

Will: No.

Shaun: What about you then, punk?

Will: Uh…well. We both like TV. And we like to write and read. And often drink coffee while doing that. Something about those things?

Shaun: We do coffee tasting in our respective cities? And write about it? AND sign a TV production deal?

Will: No. That involves leaving the house.

Shaun: Haha. Which is not happening.

Will: Exactly. Not happening.

Shaun: We could watch TV shows. And not bother each other. EVER. But I’d miss you. Subtly.

Will: We could watch TV shows together. Pretend we live in the same country.

Shaun: And review them? YES!

Will: Okay. That seems doable. I mean, do you have a television?

Shaun: Hahaha. Almost.

Will: Isn’t it all still black and white in India?

Shaun: Do you receive signal through all that snow?

Will: Yeah, whatever. Well, what kind of shows do you like? Please say English.

Shaun: What is English? Never heard of it. You are mean. Doesn’t your hot head melt your igloo?

Will: No. We have a backroom. It opens directly to the sea. I just dunk my head in every once in a while to cool off.

Shaun: Jump in and die.

Will: No. Haha. Too many polar bears.

Shaun: Oooh. Polar bears. Our children get teddy bears. None of them are polarized though. Well, that explains the coldness. Okay, before you offend my national heritage any further, let’s do this.

Will: I’m the first person in my village to get Wi-Fi. Sam Whitebear is SO jealous.

Shaun: Sam Whitebear and I are signing a book deal. It is called Pa(w).

Will: Hahahahaha

Shaun: What? What’s so funny?

Will: Nothing. So are we really doing this?

Shaun: Shouuuuuuuuld we really? Can’t we just like… Uh. Okay.

Will: Hey. You started it. I’m just along for the ride.

Shaun: Fine. What show? Let’s watch French. I like being inconspicuously (new word!) pretentious (another new word!!!).

Will: I speak French, eh? I mean… Je parle français, vraiment.

Shaun: Why else are we friends?

Will: You tweeted me a year ago.

Shaun: Did I? Desperate times. I’m sure you looked prettier then.

Will: I bet I did.

Shaun: A lot has changed in a year.

Will: Before I went to war.

Shaun: With the tribesmen from across the sea? Drastic.

Will: No. When I play Lord of the Rings RISK by myself on Saturday nights.

Shaun: Because society would rather leave you alone than antagonize you on a weekend. Okay, dude. Let’s blog. I have said yes. Because fried chicken is waiting for me. Bye.

Will: I want fried chicken.

Shaun: Come over. Fly to your calling, beast.

Will: All I got is coffee. And “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” playing on my iPod. It’s my theme song.

Shaun: Beast. How ironic. That’s too much!

Will: Yeah. No. It’s not enough. Chicken would be enough. So, have you thought of a name?

Shaun: Too much thinking! WILLIAM!

Will: Kanindia. It means arch-nemesis in this ancient, Indo-European language that is somewhat related to Sanskrit. Fitting, no?

Shaun: Doesn’t it have to do with some of the conspiracial work by the Aryans that moved into the South-West?

Will: We don’t talk about that. Whatever that even means. Just let me wear my tall, pointy white hat on weekends. And don’t come around when I do. haha

Shaun: Fair enough. You can be as pointy as you want, Scissorhands.

Will: Okay. Are we good?

Shaun: We are good.

Will: Okay. It’s class time. You know, that place where you go and get to sit in a chair and wear the clothes you want while still getting taught. Today we’re going to learn how to navigate the ice floats and how to flay a baby seal.

Shaun: Really? I would rather have you learn to build a raft.

Will: Oh. We already covered that. When we watched Life of Pi during our “World Cultures: India” Day.

Shaun: HAHAHAHA Okay. Bye, William. Hello, fried chicken.

If you had the patience to make it to this point, we are extremely thrilled and honoured to welcome you to our blog,

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-Shaun D'souza and William Louison

 

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