I know my blogging has been pretty much dead for the last couple of months, and I know for a few months before that – when I was still blogging – it wasn’t anything great. I remember telling all of you how much I wanted to take a break from blogging because my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Life had taken me for one too many rides and I just needed some time
The truth of the matter is that my blog was beginning to stress me out. I felt like I was under pressure to POST SOMETHING EVERY DAY because that had been my goal. However, eventually my goal and enjoyment had become my nightmare. I started shying away from actually writing a post, and found myself “re-blogging” a lot more than I have ever have before. So, it was definitely time to take a break.
Well, when I wanted to get back to blogging, life became quite tumultuous for a while, disrupting my, so to speak, blogging ‘comeback’. My brother was involved in an accident at work that left him heading to the emergency room with a crushed left hand. He lost half of his middle and ring fingers, but the real pain has been emotional. I rollercoaster ride that I’ve been taken on is nothing compared to what he had to go through, and will continue to go through for many months to come.
My brother is a musician in every sense of the word. He oozes music, and he lives to play. He has a huge drum set, keyboards and probably a dozen guitars. The revelation that he may never be able to play the same way that he used to was a tough one for him to take. He still hasn’t quite coped, and I can tell that there is a dark cloud hovering over him that will probably outlast the healing process. I’m certain he’ll be able to play again, it will just take a little bit of re-learning what he already knows. But trying to see the positive when it’s you who lost two fingers is another story entirely. I just hope that he has the strength to keep a level head throughout this whole process. He may have lost two fingers, but the oil rigs can be a dangerous place to work. I just hope that he can appreciate what he didn’t lose.
I wish I could say that the tumult ended there, but I can’t. My brother is healthy and well; he is not going to die. I was over the shock of it shortly after I heard the news, and while I have thought about him in the last couple of weeks, I haven’t felt too stressed or depressed because I know that he will survive. No matter what else happens, this hand injury is not going to kill him. Taking everything I just told you into consideration, I think that it is safe to say my brother’s accident didn’t really hinder my efforts to get back into blogging. They my have delayed this process for a day or two, but not for weeks.
The real disruption to my blogging revolved around my sister and the immense sadness and stress I’ve been feeling for the last few weeks. You see, a few days after my brothers accident, my sister phoned me to tell me that she had been at a doctor’s appointment to remember. Her doctor discovered a small lump on her chest and, upon further examination, discovered that was, in fact, a tumour in her breast.
I really can’t explain to you the shock, fear and horror that I felt in that moment. Who would’ve thought that one second in time filled with half a dozen words would cause so much grief. At this point, her doctor was in no position to know whether the tumour was cancerous or not. All that she could do is refer my sister to a surgeon, who would have to take a closer and more thorough examination – whatever it is that surgeons do to determine this stuff.
I found waiting for her diagnosis extremely difficult. It really made me stop and think about life and death in ways that I never have before. My sister has always been one of my closest friends and I would be absolutely devastated if something were to happen to her. Especially since she is living across the country from me and I would be in no position to help her at all. I tried to be positive, but it seems like it is always the worst-case scenarios that come to mind in times like these. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bothered by these thoughts.
It really did interrupt a lot of my time. I found it was harder to do anything once I got home from work because my mind would focus in on what was going on with her. It’s definitely hard to deal with.
Last Friday my sister was able to see a surgeon. It is with immense relief and joy that I can say she is – as of this moment – cancer free. Her tumour is benign and not growing. Yet.
The yet is what frightened me. This surgeon told my sister that now that she has one tumour, more can quickly develop (over night) and while it is benign right now, there is a chance (not too high, but high enough) that it could become cancerous. I guess we have to wait it out and see what happens. For now, though, my sister is healthy and she does not have cancer.
So, it is with some peace of mind that I invite you all back to my blog. Please believe me when I say I am back to blogging, and I do have some great plans for the future and for my writing. But, for today, I want to say a big thanks to all of my loyal readers. You guys are amazing.
Before I go, I want to share with you this song, which kind of sums up how I feel right now.
Thanks for reading.